Tuesday, November 28, 2006
@8:16 AM
am i a nuisance?
well i guess i am judging from the whole surrounding that i am in. i just feel that maybe i just don't fit in to anything at all and i am just someone who complains too much and a lot. you know actually i did not want all this to happen, at all. i never wanted any of these to happen. all i wanted was just a PEACEFUL rest. but all i;ve go was a whole lot of living hell because everything just comes crashing unto me. you think i wanted it? i am sorry if i am in any way a nuisance to you, yeah you if you think so.
it is not that i wanted to announce or wanted to keep it as a secret, this blog is just my shout out area. it is my thrashing ground whenever i am down. everyone has a thrashing ground so do i and it is this blog. well maybe i shouldn't blog at this blog anymore, i just have to write a secret diary. so tata friends this is the last blog and i shall end. see ya.
Merci poure, le triste
Monday, November 27, 2006
@5:13 AM
Can i still love God? Can i salvage it? I really wanna get out of this hell ASAP!
i chose this colour to write so as to express my feelings-shitty- lost is just the word to describe how i am feeling, the kind of fear that creeps up every single time. i do not understand how people live without God in their lives. the feeling of fear injecting into my heart in to my mind is just so unbearable but at the same time i do not know how to go back to God loving him once more. i am just entangled in a mess that i did not know where i started and how i should end. all i feel like is to run away and dump this mess, but i know it is impossible because this is not how God works. so what if i know so much things about chrstianity? i really do not know how to move in it or use it. i feel just so hypocrite being a christian where by i attend church regularly being "holy" and stuff, telling people how to solve the fear in them when me myself do not even use them. i am just like a pharasee! a hypocrite! i cannot stand it anymore, i hate being a hypocrite because a hypocrite would just make the people around her loose trust and faith in her. i do not want that to happen because previously i have already lost many dear friends of mine and i just leave myself a rotten and bad name.
in other people's eyes Sarah is a God lover who always obey and does everything that is needed to to be a goody good christian. BUT I AM NOT! i am not one who prays fervently-though i used to- not one who worships God wholeheartedly not anyof those people think i am! i am not. i do not want to be a hypocrite, putting a mask trying to fool everyone. that's why i chose this path. do you understand i really am feeling very very very very very bad. i do not know how to love God and obey him anymore. i really do not know how to continue anymore being a christian or just an ordinary worldly person. HOW?
after yesterday, i felt like i was living in hell instead of resting from all my troubles. i felt even more turmols going through my head my soul and my spirit. i can't sleep AT ALL! i want terribly badly to go back to God but it is just that i do not want to through this again. i feel terrible! it is like a living hell without God.
i made my mistake from all this i've had
a mess i am just cant clear
nothing i write can now make sense
now i need a comforter soul
i need a voice from up on high
to give me a manner fresh from heaven
and solve this trouble once and for all
never to meet these ever no more
rejoice i will with my Lord
to deliver my praise to the KING above
on high i see my God's glory reigns
nothing's better than this i'll say!
Merci poure, le triste
Sunday, November 05, 2006
@12:38 AM
well i've lost all my motivation to study for O'levels.. help me someone.. how i wish i could just enter raffles design institute right now at this moment!!! and all i wanna do is just design and design.
well i guess i really need help in almost everything!! i hate phones that keep ringing and ringing and ringing!!!! it is irritating especially when i am like trying to study!! that drove my concentration away and hump.. help me!! well sorrie, just thrashing out my frustrates..
Merci poure, le triste
Saturday, November 04, 2006
@1:38 AM
well just added a tagbox.. it's been long since i ever added one.. anyway it's not the main subject..
well i really wanna thank those people who had gave me presents and above all helped me celebrate my birthday.. well they are my dear cell grp members from W382!!!! yeap then it's my dear friends from Brotherhood and not forgetting the two lovely ladies who joined in haha.. i really appreciated their efforts for the cards, movies an of course BEN n JERRY's birthday song.. they are simply lovely and sweet.. haha not forgetting the lossing items my wallet and someone's handphone haha.. but in the end we still found them thanks to honest and lovely GV usher and BEN n JERRY's manager.. they are wonderfull people!!! thank you and also not forgetting those who accompanied us to go back all the way to Cathay just to find and retrive them back.. thank you.. well apart from that we also took pictures with two animal mascot for some saving animal association haha they are cute! and not forgetting the tail that dropped.. haha that was hilarious.. also the very wonderfully made sotong-onglai card by them and the messages inside!well thank you guyz.. and not forgetting Covenant.. it was cool, great and simply awesome.. well i would say it's a must watch!
haha of course not forgetting a very important person who celebrated my birthday wih me on that very day.. haha that is ong lai.. thank you.. he was simply sweet and full of suprise.. haha well that was the first time i ever celebrated my birthday with my bofriend in my entire life which was great! haha.. first he met me under my block and passed me a sunflower and made me carry that sunflower from jurong all the way to city hall.. awww man it was attention grabbing.. haha but who cares! haha..then we bought food from Carl's Junior and brought them to esplanade.. haha and we ate our food there.. the food was nice but too much andhe second gift which was a self designed soccer jersey haha.. we were not able to finish it.. then we went o watch DeathNote at jurong point.. and before movie he gave me t DeathNote was nice and Light was super smart and of course EVIL and HEARTLESS!!!! well shan't fill you in.. haha watch it yourself! then after that we went wes coast park and he gave me his third gift which was a pair of black star ear studs.. haha they're pretty! well after that we went home.. an exciting day and not forgetting TIRING!! i went home and i just fell on the bed like a dead log!!! haha i know im pig.. anyway it was a well spent day..
Merci poure, le triste
Thursday, November 02, 2006
@2:42 AM
well hi there once again.. today was the first O'levels paper muahaha it was literatre paper 1.. well i guess it wasn't that bad.. well with so many questions on the papers i guess most of us got kind of mixed up.. well in the end i thank God that i did not waste too much time in making up my mind about which question to do... so at least it was not too bad..
well after the papers, suppossingly to eat lunch with my friends but guessed my own feelings and sensitivity just drew me away.. strange but well what can i say.. things really change a a speed of light just 1 day.. everything was like so stranger to me.. guess i'm just not up for the cut.. yeap.. see ya..
Merci poure, le triste
Thursday, October 19, 2006
@3:34 AM
well actually i wanted to post a blog yesterday but could not as there were some problems with the surfer, well somehow or another. anyway just wanna thank those people who asked whether i was alright after the previos post i blogged.. well and also sorry to scare you if you thought that i wasn't alright or what.. anyway thanks for your concern and really i am alright it was just a little frustration that i felt and well after thrashing everything out i felt so much more better.. well who don't have frustration right, i was just venting out everything..
well now what can i write about.. now in everything i do i just wanna trust and put my faith in God especially when O'levels is just around the corner which i am sort of worried as i do not feel any stress or motivation to study.. i am really trying very hard to concentrate and get back my motivation.. it really set me in an awe about how different i was from sec 1 to now sec 4.. i used to be a girl who would score well in my subjects getting As and that fighting and competitive spirit i had just kept driving me to get better results everytime.. at that time nothing was impossible and i would just finished up all the homworks and practices i had to.. well now i am just someone who findsno motivation in studying and would just settle for designing clothes and JUST DESIGNING CLOTHES.. the passion and inspiration just kept running and flowing.. but HEY! i was supposed to be concentrating on my O'levels.. so now by hook or by crook i will really have to push myself for this LAST LAP! i have to count on God and aso not forgetting putting in the effort because faith without works is dead so i will have to do my part and God will do His part.. yeap... haha.. see you guys.. all the best for those having O'levels and for those whose exams are over well GOOD FOR YOU and enjoy your holidays!
Merci poure, le triste
Saturday, October 07, 2006
@2:10 AM
well this post that im going to blog is going to be super contradicting to the previous one.. for a moment i was so in love with this guy but now suddenly everything is so opposite.. with all the reality smashing me at one go i realized how different the two of us were.. our thinking and everything.. the way we view things in life.. so finally on saturday 2Am i finally broke up with this guy.. i don't know why but all of a sudden i felt very stranger towards him and felt like moving away.. i was surprise with my sudden change but maybe this just isn't the right guy for me.. i still have a long way to go in life.. though i thought to myself that differences are just minor problems and i could just give in to him everytime and just go his way living myself a miserable thrash.. i thought i could do it but i still could not do it.. i can't stand feeling so miserable everytime.. the things i do are totally opposite from my thinking and my will. though yes a relationship is about giving in but if one is not giving in happily, miserably, then where is the joy of giving.. though he can say he is willing to change his thinking and give in to me but looking at him suffer will just make me suffer too.. what will this relationship benefit me to? though yes i agree that this relationship did bring a bliss of happiness to my life and many wonderful memories, it brought along a lot more misery to my life too.. all i could do was to cry to myself and feel desperate.. he is a very good boyfriend but maybe just not for me.. this relationship made me realized that i really have to understand a person better before getting into a relationship or maybe im just not a good girlfriend.. im too wild and open.. im a freedom person.. i cannot be caged or tied down.. but afterall breaking up might be the best option so that both party need not feel miserable anymore.. another broken relationship again.. i've hurt another person again.. i really didn't mean to hurt him.. i thought that this would last but somehow things turned out otherwise.. maybe he is just not the guy for me.. i just wish him all the best for his O levels.. i know that it wasn't the good time to do it but it will surely not benefit the both of us.. however i didn't regret making any decisions.. i'll still keep those wonderful memories..
Merci poure, le triste
sarah_choo_111@hotmail.com