HeRe'S mY sTuFfS...

2006-11-28T08:16:00.000-08:00

am i a nuisance?

well i guess i am judging from the whole surrounding that i am in. i just feel that maybe i just don't fit in to anything at all and i am just someone who complains too much and a lot. you know actually i did not want all this to happen, at all. i never wanted any of these to happen. all i wanted was just a PEACEFUL rest. but all i;ve go was a whole lot of living hell because everything just comes crashing unto me. you think i wanted it? i am sorry if i am in any way a nuisance to you, yeah you if you think so.

it is not that i wanted to announce or wanted to keep it as a secret, this blog is just my shout out area. it is my thrashing ground whenever i am down. everyone has a thrashing ground so do i and it is this blog. well maybe i shouldn't blog at this blog anymore, i just have to write a secret diary. so tata friends this is the last blog and i shall end. see ya.

2006-11-27T05:13:00.000-08:00

Can i still love God? Can i salvage it? I really wanna get out of this hell ASAP!

i chose this colour to write so as to express my feelings-shitty- lost is just the word to describe how i am feeling, the kind of fear that creeps up every single time. i do not understand how people live without God in their lives. the feeling of fear injecting into my heart in to my mind is just so unbearable but at the same time i do not know how to go back to God loving him once more. i am just entangled in a mess that i did not know where i started and how i should end. all i feel like is to run away and dump this mess, but i know it is impossible because this is not how God works. so what if i know so much things about chrstianity? i really do not know how to move in it or use it. i feel just so hypocrite being a christian where by i attend church regularly being "holy" and stuff, telling people how to solve the fear in them when me myself do not even use them. i am just like a pharasee! a hypocrite! i cannot stand it anymore, i hate being a hypocrite because a hypocrite would just make the people around her loose trust and faith in her. i do not want that to happen because previously i have already lost many dear friends of mine and i just leave myself a rotten and bad name.

in other people's eyes Sarah is a God lover who always obey and does everything that is needed to to be a goody good christian. BUT I AM NOT! i am not one who prays fervently-though i used to- not one who worships God wholeheartedly not anyof those people think i am! i am not. i do not want to be a hypocrite, putting a mask trying to fool everyone. that's why i chose this path. do you understand i really am feeling very very very very very bad. i do not know how to love God and obey him anymore. i really do not know how to continue anymore being a christian or just an ordinary worldly person. HOW?

after yesterday, i felt like i was living in hell instead of resting from all my troubles. i felt even more turmols going through my head my soul and my spirit. i can't sleep AT ALL! i want terribly badly to go back to God but it is just that i do not want to through this again. i feel terrible! it is like a living hell without God.

i made my mistake from all this i've had
a mess i am just cant clear
nothing i write can now make sense
now i need a comforter soul

i need a voice from up on high
to give me a manner fresh from heaven
and solve this trouble once and for all
never to meet these ever no more

rejoice i will with my Lord
to deliver my praise to the KING above
on high i see my God's glory reigns
nothing's better than this i'll say!

2006-11-05T00:38:00.000-08:00

well i've lost all my motivation to study for O'levels.. help me someone.. how i wish i could just enter raffles design institute right now at this moment!!! and all i wanna do is just design and design.

well i guess i really need help in almost everything!! i hate phones that keep ringing and ringing and ringing!!!! it is irritating especially when i am like trying to study!! that drove my concentration away and hump.. help me!! well sorrie, just thrashing out my frustrates..

2006-11-04T01:38:00.000-08:00

well just added a tagbox.. it's been long since i ever added one.. anyway it's not the main subject..

well i really wanna thank those people who had gave me presents and above all helped me celebrate my birthday.. well they are my dear cell grp members from W382!!!! yeap then it's my dear friends from Brotherhood and not forgetting the two lovely ladies who joined in haha.. i really appreciated their efforts for the cards, movies an of course BEN n JERRY's birthday song.. they are simply lovely and sweet.. haha not forgetting the lossing items my wallet and someone's handphone haha.. but in the end we still found them thanks to honest and lovely GV usher and BEN n JERRY's manager.. they are wonderfull people!!! thank you and also not forgetting those who accompanied us to go back all the way to Cathay just to find and retrive them back.. thank you.. well apart from that we also took pictures with two animal mascot for some saving animal association haha they are cute! and not forgetting the tail that dropped.. haha that was hilarious.. also the very wonderfully made sotong-onglai card by them and the messages inside!well thank you guyz.. and not forgetting Covenant.. it was cool, great and simply awesome.. well i would say it's a must watch!

haha of course not forgetting a very important person who celebrated my birthday wih me on that very day.. haha that is ong lai.. thank you.. he was simply sweet and full of suprise.. haha well that was the first time i ever celebrated my birthday with my bofriend in my entire life which was great! haha.. first he met me under my block and passed me a sunflower and made me carry that sunflower from jurong all the way to city hall.. awww man it was attention grabbing.. haha but who cares! haha..then we bought food from Carl's Junior and brought them to esplanade.. haha and we ate our food there.. the food was nice but too much andhe second gift which was a self designed soccer jersey haha.. we were not able to finish it.. then we went o watch DeathNote at jurong point.. and before movie he gave me t DeathNote was nice and Light was super smart and of course EVIL and HEARTLESS!!!! well shan't fill you in.. haha watch it yourself! then after that we went wes coast park and he gave me his third gift which was a pair of black star ear studs.. haha they're pretty! well after that we went home.. an exciting day and not forgetting TIRING!! i went home and i just fell on the bed like a dead log!!! haha i know im pig.. anyway it was a well spent day..

2006-11-02T02:42:00.000-08:00

well hi there once again.. today was the first O'levels paper muahaha it was literatre paper 1.. well i guess it wasn't that bad.. well with so many questions on the papers i guess most of us got kind of mixed up.. well in the end i thank God that i did not waste too much time in making up my mind about which question to do... so at least it was not too bad..

well after the papers, suppossingly to eat lunch with my friends but guessed my own feelings and sensitivity just drew me away.. strange but well what can i say.. things really change a a speed of light just 1 day.. everything was like so stranger to me.. guess i'm just not up for the cut.. yeap.. see ya..

2006-10-19T03:34:00.000-07:00

well actually i wanted to post a blog yesterday but could not as there were some problems with the surfer, well somehow or another. anyway just wanna thank those people who asked whether i was alright after the previos post i blogged.. well and also sorry to scare you if you thought that i wasn't alright or what.. anyway thanks for your concern and really i am alright it was just a little frustration that i felt and well after thrashing everything out i felt so much more better.. well who don't have frustration right, i was just venting out everything..

well now what can i write about.. now in everything i do i just wanna trust and put my faith in God especially when O'levels is just around the corner which i am sort of worried as i do not feel any stress or motivation to study.. i am really trying very hard to concentrate and get back my motivation.. it really set me in an awe about how different i was from sec 1 to now sec 4.. i used to be a girl who would score well in my subjects getting As and that fighting and competitive spirit i had just kept driving me to get better results everytime.. at that time nothing was impossible and i would just finished up all the homworks and practices i had to.. well now i am just someone who findsno motivation in studying and would just settle for designing clothes and JUST DESIGNING CLOTHES.. the passion and inspiration just kept running and flowing.. but HEY! i was supposed to be concentrating on my O'levels.. so now by hook or by crook i will really have to push myself for this LAST LAP! i have to count on God and aso not forgetting putting in the effort because faith without works is dead so i will have to do my part and God will do His part.. yeap... haha.. see you guys.. all the best for those having O'levels and for those whose exams are over well GOOD FOR YOU and enjoy your holidays!

2006-10-07T02:10:00.000-07:00

well this post that im going to blog is going to be super contradicting to the previous one.. for a moment i was so in love with this guy but now suddenly everything is so opposite.. with all the reality smashing me at one go i realized how different the two of us were.. our thinking and everything.. the way we view things in life.. so finally on saturday 2Am i finally broke up with this guy.. i don't know why but all of a sudden i felt very stranger towards him and felt like moving away.. i was surprise with my sudden change but maybe this just isn't the right guy for me.. i still have a long way to go in life.. though i thought to myself that differences are just minor problems and i could just give in to him everytime and just go his way living myself a miserable thrash.. i thought i could do it but i still could not do it.. i can't stand feeling so miserable everytime.. the things i do are totally opposite from my thinking and my will. though yes a relationship is about giving in but if one is not giving in happily, miserably, then where is the joy of giving.. though he can say he is willing to change his thinking and give in to me but looking at him suffer will just make me suffer too.. what will this relationship benefit me to? though yes i agree that this relationship did bring a bliss of happiness to my life and many wonderful memories, it brought along a lot more misery to my life too.. all i could do was to cry to myself and feel desperate.. he is a very good boyfriend but maybe just not for me.. this relationship made me realized that i really have to understand a person better before getting into a relationship or maybe im just not a good girlfriend.. im too wild and open.. im a freedom person.. i cannot be caged or tied down.. but afterall breaking up might be the best option so that both party need not feel miserable anymore.. another broken relationship again.. i've hurt another person again.. i really didn't mean to hurt him.. i thought that this would last but somehow things turned out otherwise.. maybe he is just not the guy for me.. i just wish him all the best for his O levels.. i know that it wasn't the good time to do it but it will surely not benefit the both of us.. however i didn't regret making any decisions.. i'll still keep those wonderful memories..

2006-08-27T06:17:00.000-07:00

Absence makes the heart grows Fonder

Hours passed by, Days passed by, my heart seems to become emptier and emptier.
many a times i hope it will be filled, somehow it is just never filled
i never knew how it could be filled and i never knew who could fill
as time availed he finally came
that moment, the emptiness started to be filled
somehow he just fills it up

Days have passed ever since. im startin to miss him
and i start to want more of his company
because i know that only he can fill the emptiness
as his absence starts to take place my heart grew fonder and fonder
somehow i wished i could see him now and spend time with him...
soon i guess soon i guess...soon.

now i await for the day that we'll meet
now i look forward to the rest of the days whereby i'll meet him
also i hope and pray that his mum will find me pleasing in her sight when she meets me.
also they day when O levels really end............................

how i wish how i wished that LORD, you'll bring me through this period.

everyday just passed by like a bolt of lightning.
everything seems so fast
and i seem to be laggin..
run in might
in my mind
just to chase the lightning strikes
fast i chased
fixed my pace
i wished i could just stop the time.
in this place
i look at my face
i knew i wasnt prepared at all
all i've found
all i've placed
i just put my faith and trust in GOD
i really pray that i disappoint no one!

2006-04-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

WOW it have been long ever since i blog again...
well, i think i have alot to say now that i haven blog about them..

Now i'll start with the very first thing that came to my mind when i wanted to blog... lately i have been thinkin about what a friend mean or represent to me.. haha and i got a sudden revelation.. well i think a friend should be firsto all the golden rule, be truthful and honest! yupz.. not only that a friend should be someone who lends his or her shoulder whenever their friends are sad.. basically a friend must be someone who genuinely cares for others and always be there for their friends no matter ups or downs.. when a friend is happy about something that happened, his or her friends must also rejoice and be happy for her! ya.. that's kind of important as no one would one a friend who always want them to feel miserable only and nothing else.. it'll be sad if there are such people around you... ya.. and the last thing, a friend must never ever hide something bad about what they of done behind their friends' back.. that's kind of the worst thng that can happen to everyone.. imagine your friend, esp your best friend, do something behind your back and you only knew it after everything was settled.. it's a sad thing isn't it? well i believe that bad things does happen and good things always comes after them.. yes they do keep rollin in.. haha..

the next thing that i would like to share about is my shoppin experience on Good Friday.. haha it was FUN!! i haven been shoppin for sssooo long.. i was so glad that i finally did some shoppin to replenish my loses..haha ya.. the first place i went was far east plaza.. wow i realized that i really lost touch about orchard.. ya so any things changed esp far east plaza.. yup.. let's start from the bottom.. at level 1 i found a new eatery called, "Man Jia Le" it's in chinese.. well they serve hong kong food and it taste yummy! they're delicious and also unique.. they're just original!!!! haha all these food talk is making me hungry..well, i didn't spend my whole day eating i spent it all on shoppin haha..from level 3 onwards they had a variety of female apparrel..and they look simply pretty and nice.. let me fill youin with what i bought, a bag, a shirt, a pair of shoes, a wallet and i think that's all i bought.. haha it was a satisfying shopping spree.. haha that's all..

now about today? i guess i have nothing much to say just that i feel that maybe today is a bad day.. perhaps it's just not my day.. anyway everyone has their downfalls..and probably today was mine.. haha ya.. that's all well thanks for readin this post.. see ya..

2005-10-14T05:38:00.000-07:00

FINAL YEAR EXAMINATION!!!

I still have one more paper to go beore my year end examination is really and finally OVER!!! yeah just one more Biology paper...I have a feelin that i will not do well for this end of yea examination. the questions look so foreign to me! ESP MY CHEMISTRY AND PHYSICS PAPERS!!! they were like all so difficult and i left a lot of blanks in it...OH NO!!! well anyway what's done can never be undone so i will just try harder next year!!!! and I MUST!!! SO GIRLFRIENDS PLS REMIND ME THANK YOU! you all will be very mush appreciated! todae i had LIT paper 2 and chemistry. it was bad and good. the chemistry paper was a killer paper!!!! Everything on it was like makin me feel hopeless as i don't know ANYTHING! How i wish i can rewind time and go bck to the start of the year then i'll be able to amend the mistakes that i've done. I could have performed better in alot of things. While im also glad that i've faced problems because it is only through problems then we are able to grow more and understand certain things. Life can be either full of purpose or meaningless. If you choose to think that life is meaningless then it is meaningless.But i choose to think that life is full of purpose and therefore my life will be full of purpose. Though there will be times whereby i am disappointed by both people and things, i tell myself that life is still full of purpose and unaccomplished things waiting for me to accompliah them! Well if i didnt do well this year i will pick up my pace next year! I HOPE and PRAY that I will be able to study hard next yr!

2005-10-08T23:09:00.000-07:00

I love your presence, God!

Actually today i felt sad and dissapointed over somethings wen i gt home todae. At first i asked myself why is things like this always happenin to me while then i realise that devil is always throwin problems at me AND it's always the same old thing. I mean dun he ever feel sick bout doin the same old thing? But the problem is everytime wen he throw such problems, the level gets higher and higher. BUT no matter how hard the problem is i still can overcome it. BECUZ im an overcomer whenever im wif GOD. While after being attacked by the devil i feel that actualie GOD is always by my side, as in i can feel and testify that he is REAL. It's like im able to feel him everydae just by my side, esp wen im feelin down and weak. It's just like he is living in me! That is a great feelin and i feel that this is the kind of feelin that every chirstian believer should haf and experience! It's a great feelin. YEAH!

MY QUIET TIME

I did my quiet time just now, i felt the presence of god faling down on me. It was different. Somehow it seems to be stronger and it made me feel much more better. As just now i was sort of hurt, i went to God for comfort. It wasnt easy for me, cuz I realie felt the devil attackin the same hurt that i felt before. But all thanks to God, there was a hurt a need in me and he met it. He comforted me like a friend and it was as though i was in the arms of my loved ones. But this arms were better than the arms of theirs as it was a kind of unconditional love that no one could ever provide me with. This made me realised that God can never ever be replaced by anyone NOT EVEN THE PERSON THAT I LOVED MOST OR LOVED ME THE MOST! It was a kind of love that no one on earth can ever give to me, he was something no one could replace. In the past i always say that god's love is so great and that great but i could not realise feel what kind of love it was. Even if i had, it was only very mild and it stayed for only a short while. BUT after todae i came to realise and felt that actualie God's love is so wonderful and great and REALLY no one can ever replace or take away. But 1 thing i sure know, if you choose not to believe that he has such a great love for you you will nvr get to experience his love. His love is just so great that I just cant explain plainly with words how it is like. Only when you have experienced it then you will know what it is like! Well that's all! :)

2005-10-04T01:23:00.000-07:00

WELL WHATEVER!!!

well, it haf been long since i've posted my last blog... just got bck frm sch and im realie tired.. a few minutes ago i read one og my fren's blog.. actually i didnt wan to read about it but who knows.. everyone haf been asking me to read about this person's blog so well i decided to read it afterall... as i was reading i did a self-reflection on myself about how i was like in class... well, i know that sometimes i've done something wrong but i hope that the frens/peeps arnd me will forgive me.. i would like to thank those peeps who haf beared with my nonsense and forgave me.. well peeps thank you all very much!! i realie appreciated it.. well other than this self-reflection, it made me realised how cruel the world actuli is but i believe that if im wif god everything will be fine cuz they're onli here temporarily...

alot of things haf changed and well all this things made me realise how situations or things in the world can be......well i still haf to go on with life...

2005-07-24T03:10:00.000-07:00

Nationals Period

This was a picture taken during the nationals... it was so called a "reunion" for the gurl's fsmily...haha.. from left to right then to bottom.. Kaini(er jie), Tracy(ah ma), Shannen(san jie), Lohying(nanny) and ME(youngest)..hehe.. yeap.. it is so called the first gathering for the alumnies and the seniors...yea...the laughter and joy that we had were still the same... jokes bout one and another's "stories"... haha yea the silly mistakes that we've done in the past...though we cant spend most of our time together, but we could still enjoy each other's presence as much as before....i still remb after one of the competition, me, shannen, tracy and huang wen to take a cab frm cck stadium to cck mrt station..due to the rain tat's y...after we reached cck mrt station, we went to buy ice-cream...as we were eatin, we were also enjoying each others' LAME JOKES!!!!! Tracy kept laughing and laughing as though she had not laughed for a LLLOOOONNNNGGGG LONG time....haha... yarz... it was super exaxeratting.... she just CANT stop laughing... i think cuz no one in ACJC entertains her that's why haha...opps just jokin...anyway i'll just hope that we will have more of those gatherings... i really missed those days...those funnie and nonsense days..haha..

AWARDS WE"VE GOT

Chua Meiling--1st javeline
S.Juthamat-----2nd Shotput & 2nd Discus
Yuk Long--------2nd 400m & 3rd 800m
Zhen Huang----3rd 400m Hurdles
4x100mBboys-4th
Kaini--------------14th 800m
Benard-----------8th 100m hurdles
that's all but it was very VERY GOOD!!!!!!!!!

2005-06-10T14:30:00.000-07:00

Praise the Lord...

i realie wan to thank god for providin me wif witness for my extreme adventure's race... And also de blessings that he haf poured onto mi.... yesterday wen we partcipated in extreme adventure, we kept praying that de lord will give us strength as we run and also we prayed for protection...then we kept on believin that he will guide us in de whole race...as we wer canoein, we lost out by two positions...but we didnt gif up...we quickly raft up de canoe up de shore and ran to our bikes as fast as possible..as we wer cyclin, our thighs wer achin veri badly...we wanted to gif up.... but again god gave us determination to cycle...we manage to catch up to the 1st position and we mantained it till de end of the cyclin route...we continued wif the run.... we wer veri worn out and thristy at tat time... our mouths wer so dry as though we didnt drink for a veri long period of time...we ran in de nature trail....the steps wer SUPER steep...we had to carry our legs up the step....we managed to emerge as 1 in de end....we wer so glad tat we kept rejoicin non stop...

now for POS results we wer super happie bout it...cuz we got...........1st...hehe...=p.. yupz...we emerge as num 1..finally our hard works haf paid of!!!! haha...yupz!! we got $800 MARCHE voucher....woooooooooooo...so happie..so frends if u wan to min these attractive prizes just be part of us and participate in these activities...cya next yr...=)

2005-06-01T07:44:00.000-07:00

those pic wer taken durin year 2005's tanglin sec sports dae...it was a fun dae...we all had fun yea...cya

2005-04-02T05:42:00.000-08:00

this was the picture taken on de last dae of our OBS....two schools combined together....they were mainly Tanglin sec and River Valley High....Our watch(group) is called LINCOLN!!! yeap lincoln rulez to de fullest.. we started off as two different groups....slowly we began to mix arnd wif them although we had some mis com here and ther but after awhile everything was fine.....yeap...it was realie fun and cool...we learn ani things tat will realie help us wen we work wif other ppl...diff kind of ppl...i admit tat i dun realie lyk them and had quarrelled wif them but no matter wad i wuld still haf to work wif them...praise god in the end everyone of us got along well...haha..yeap...an experience gained indeed...i even found out tat one of them was my primary sch mate...hmm....didnt expect tat to happen...ppl changed for the better....yupz..think tat's all bout wad i haf to sae....think im goin to write my next draft soon...haha...cya...enjoy readin it....God bless everyone...

2004-12-16T22:03:00.000-08:00

-=[16th Dec 2004]=-
Todae, i didnt reali feel veri gd...i had stomach ache again...haiz...why am i always havin stomach ache...haiz forget it! but something made mi feel beta...haha...in de mornin i thought todae was goin to be a borin dae at home again but it didnt turn out to be so...at arnd 3 plus i wen window shoppin wif my fren at jurong point haha...although i didnt reali lyk jurong point but i did find a few things tat i lyk...haha...clothes and stuffs...well...im a girl tat's why i love shoppin..and sometimes onli wen u venture will u then discover...isnt it...haha...we wen into every possible shop and it was reali great...i found a few christmas present...hehe...well hope tat i will quickly get de money ready...hehe....well..think tats all...

2004-12-11T16:30:00.000-08:00

-=[11th dec 2004]=-
Haiz....yesterdae i stayed at home for de whole dae and it was sooosososos borin!!! haiz...wasted one dae doin nothin....hmm...well...anw ChRiStMaS is comin lerz...yeapy...im so happie tat i can finally celebrate christmas....hehe...though i did celebrate christmas last yr but it wasnt tat fantastic...yar...well...wonder if trackerz will be celebratin chrsitmas together not...hehe...hope so cuz tis yr ther will be alot of seniors leavin us lerz...track became smaller and smaller lerz...all de excitement ther used to be wen we were trainin are now all gone..AAHHHHAAAHHH...but nvm...at least we still haf some seniors...hehe...well...anw life still gota go on and trainin still gota go on too....yeap...well, think my blog gonna be veri bo liao again...as usual..nothin great haf been happenin tis few daes...yar..just hope tat next yr will be a great and wonderful yr ahead...in Tanglin? haha...hopefully barz...Tanglin haiz....not much fun liao....next yr we will be de ones runnin arnd sch not teachers worz...HUMP!!!! de sch must be thinkin tat ther are too much overweight students tats why they came up will de idea of students runnin up and dwn de sch.....HUMP...must be...haha...anw hopefully ther will be smth great lorz...next yr ther will surely be alot of students loiterin arnd...surely ther will be even more...

WAD!(345)

2004-12-02T13:53:00.000-08:00

WAD!(345)
Originally uploaded by sweetie_pie.

this is on my burthdae.... 12.00am...hmmm i loved the cake cuz it is covered wif chocolate...hehe hmm my favourite thing is chocolate!!!!!!....yeapie...yupz...i love chocolate more than anything...yeap!

2004-12-02T13:13:00.000-08:00

-=[2nd of December 2004]=-
Well i guess it will be another boring dae at home again....hmmmm, im so bored yesterday after trainin i was left at home all alone! so boring i cant stand it....how i wish i can go on a holidae lyk my other frenz....i haven been goin on a holidae for alomost 2-3 years alreadie!!!!! i cant go anywhere....holidae is a period meant for people to go out and enjoy BUT my parents kept askin mi to stay at home....im goin crazy soon....all they wan mi to do is stay at home and STUDY!!!!!! hello!! it's holidae rite now....though i noe tat i need to prepare for next yr already BUT u cant expect mi to study EVERYDAE....well sometimes how i wish i could just run away frm reality!!! now im gavin trainin on mon, wed and fri....yeap...last mon i just cut my hair and now its veri short and i cant tie it up....ohhh...i actually regretted cutting it...how i wish i haf a kind of magic powder tat i can pour on my head and my hair will grow bck to it's original length....ohh man if onli tat exist....now i wish tat my hair will keep on growin and by next yr's 1st of jan i will be able to tie up my hair...hehe...yeap...anw i think i will be writin again next time...hopefully tmr....well...cya...

2004-10-14T03:43:00.000-07:00

todae...
just renewed my blog...haiz...du noe wad to write but tmr is lit and d n t...hope tt i will do well...